Starring Franziska Schissler, Alexander Kane, Jason Skeen
Directed by Justin Price
Alright – I figured it was bound to happen sooner or later. I’ve only been back writing reviews for a short time and (thankfully) I haven’t had to endure anything tossed my way that could be categorized as “wretched in essence” – that is until I got the call to check out The Dawnseeker. Jumpin’ Jiminy Cricket on a crap-stack, this was bad…but I’ll reserve my true feelings once we step inside this spaceship headed for a surefire collision course with a brick wall once this review gets some fire behind its ass, so strap in cause we’re goin’ out, Kamikaze-style.
Directed by Justin Price, the film’s tagline is “A New Breed Of Predator” – oh, Mylanta if that were only remotely true, I’d have to pray that the Predator species would terminate its own life if they were in any way associated with this mess. The year is 2245 and the inhabitants on this ball called Earth are in a spot of trouble, as you see the sun has dissipated so much that its sustaining efforts towards life are near non-existent. Enter a band of militant bad-asses who are dispatched to a very far-off planet to obtain a rare mineral known to the common folk as Stardust (not Ziggy either) in the fledgling hopes that it can be used for regeneration purposes. Now if this clandestine search-and-retrieval mission were to go off without a hitch, we’d have nothing to speak of, would we? However, technical issues wreak havoc and the ship slams piehole-first into the planetoid and that’s when the real fun starts…actually, that’s a horrible lie that I’ve told you, as there’s no fun to be found here – just chaos, cinematic chaos, I tell ya.
I’ve laid eyes on some pretty horrific exhibitions laid forth on SyFy before, but this brought a whole new level of ocular-misery to the table, with unmotivated actors limping through fight scenes and some of the saddest costuming resembling a November 1st sale at a Halloween shop. Scripting? Uninspired and derivative to an extent – don’t try to lean on the ideas of big-budgeted franchises to gain some steam, please. For those who think I’m railing on the little guy, keep your pants on – I’m all for minuscule allocation when it comes to production – it gives the opportunity for a wealth of creativity to take over, but when you see things done that have already been pulled off before (check out the first Predator film), and see if you don’t agree. There’s nothing wrong with a tribute to the oldies, but don’t use it as a building block when putting your own stuff out there. Overall, I’d recommend virtually anything in the Sci-Fi catalog to watch if you’re bored as hell but stay at a safe distance from this catastrophe as it’ll only put the burn on your retinas.