Starring Jason Statham, Bingbing Li, Rainn Wilson, Ruby Rose
Directed by Jon Turteltaub
We live in a world in which we’re inundated with stupidity around the clock, seven friggin’ days a week, 365 days a year; we’re all looking for an escape. Anything to turn our brains off. The Meg is more than up for the challenge by being as ludicrous as possible. It grabs you by the shoulders, shakes you violently, and demands that you take in its glorious ridiculousness while smiling from ear to ear.
In The Meg, the long-awaited big screen adaptation of the novel by Steve Alten, Jason Statham plays Jonas Taylor, a diver who’s too badass to use flippers. Jonas is a man who takes his close shaves as seriously as his ageless beard stubble. He’s brave. Super brave. Fuckin’ brave. He has balls of steel. Jonas has seen it all, eaten it up, and shit it out. He is a man who will react to seeing an enormous prehistoric shark with the same level of amazement and surprise usually reserved for those seeing a roasted turkey on a Thanksgiving day dinner table.
You see, Jonas – much like the honey badger – just doesn’t care. It doesn’t matter how big a challenge is. He’ll jump in head first and get the job done.
Logic be damned.
Here we have a world in which gargantuan sharks are attracted by the slightest paddle of a human as if guided by laser precision, but motorboats? They don’t register at all. They’re too noisy and you can’t make a motorboat bleed, so why bother chasing it? Especially when Morris the billionaire (Rainn Wilson) has other wonderful toys at his disposal like a makeshift army, throngs of submersibles, and various explosives that can be tossed in the water with little regard for other sea life. Save the whales? No! Detonate the whales! That ain’t chum in the waters, kids… it’s pure, 100% unadulterated motherfuckin’ machismo.
The Meg will have you falling off your chairs laughing nearly as many times as its on-screen characters fall into the sea. It’s a double-fisted genital punch of glorious stupidity that’s so friggin’ absurd at times that you’re better off just going with the flow and enjoying your tingling nethers. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t be mad at it. I’m pretty sure you won’t be either.